have the spiritual superiority and control； or even her respect
for his conscious or public life。 He lived simply by her
physical love for him。 And he served the little matriarchy；
nursing the child and helping with the housework； indifferent
any more of his own dignity and importance。 But his abandoning
of claims； his living isolated upon his own interest； made him
seem unreal； unimportant。
Anna was not publicly proud of him。 But very soon she learned
to be indifferent to public life。 He was not what is called a
manly man： he did not drink or smoke or arrogate importance。 But
he was her man； and his very indifference to all claims of
manliness set her supreme in her own world with him。 Physically；
she loved him and he satisfied her。 He went alone and subsidiary
always。 At first it had irritated her； the outer world existed
so little to him。 Looking at him with outside eyes； she was
inclined to sneer at him。 But her sneer changed to a sort of
respect。 She respected him； that he could serve her so simply
and pletely。 Above all； she loved to bear his children。 She
loved to be the source of children。
She could not understand him； his strange； dark rages and his
devotion to the church。 It was the church building he cared for；
and yet his soul was passionate for something。 He laboured
cleaning the stonework； repairing the woodwork； restoring the
organ； and making the singing as perfect as possible。 To keep
the church fabric and the church…ritual intact was his business；
to have the intimate sacred building utterly in his own hands；
and to make the form of service plete。 There was a little
bright anguish and tension on his face； and in his intent
movements。 He was like a lover who knows he is betrayed； but who
still loves； whose love is only the more intense。 The church was
false； but he served it the more attentively。
During the day； at his work in the office； he kept himself
suspended。 He did not exist。 He worked automatically till it was
time to go home。
He loved with a hot heart the dark…haired little Ursula； and
he waited for the child to e to consciousness。 Now the mother
monopolized the baby。 But his heart waited in its darkness。 His
hour would e。
In the long run； he learned to submit to Anna。 She forced him
to the spirit of her laws； whilst leaving him the letter of his
own。 She bated in him his devils。 She suffered very much from
his inexplicable and incalculable dark rages； when a blackness
filled him； and a black wind seemed to sweep out of existence
everything that had to do with him。 She could feel herself；
everything； being annihilated by him。
At first she fought him。 At night； in this state； he would
kneel down to say his prayers。 She looked at his crouching
figure。
〃Why are you kneeling there； pretending to pray？〃 she said；
harshly。 〃Do you think anybody can pray； when they are in the
vile temper you are in？〃
He remained crouching by the beside； motionless。
〃It's horrible；〃 she continued； 〃and such a pretence！ What do
you pretend you are saying？ Who do you pretend you are praying
to？〃
He still remained motionless； seething with inchoate rage；
when his whole nature seemed to disintegrate。 He seemed to live
with a strain upon himself； and occasionally came these dark；
chaotic rages； the lust for destruction。 She then fought with
him； and their fights were horrible； murderous。 And then the
passion between them came just as black and awful。
But little by little； as she learned to love him better； she
would put herself aside； and when she felt one of his fits upon
him； would ignore him； successfully leave him in his world；
whilst she remained in her own。 He had a black struggle with
himself； to e back to her。 For at last he learned that he
would be in hell until he came back to her。 So he struggled to
submit to her； and she was afraid of the ugly strain in his
eyes。 She made love to him； and took him。 Then he was grateful
to her love； humble。
He made himself a woodwork shed； in which to restore things
which were destroyed in the church。 So he had plenty to do： his
wife； his child； the church； the woodwork； and his wage…earning；
all occupying him。 If only there were not some limit to him；
some darkness across his eyes！ He had to give in to it at last
himself。 He must submit to his oe
limit to himself； of ＇something unformed in＇ his own black；
violent temper； and to reckon with it。 But as she was more gentle
with him； it became quieter。
As he sat sometimes very still； with a bright； vacant face；
Anna could see the suffering among the brightness。 He was aware
of some limit to himself； of something unformed in his very
being； of some buds which were not ripe in him； some folded
centres of darkness which would never develop and unfold whilst
he was alive in the body。 He was unready for fulfilment。
Something undeveloped in him limited him； there was a darkness
in him which he could not unfold； which would never
unfold in him。
CHAPTER VIII
THE CHILD
From the first； the baby stirred in the young father a
deep； strong emotion he dared scarcely acknowledge； it was so
strong and came out of the dark of him。 When he heard the child
cry； a terror possessed him； because of the answering echo from
the unfathomed distances in himself。 Must he know in himself
such distances； perilous and imminent？
He had the infant in his arms； he walked backwards and
forwards troubled by the crying of his own flesh and blood。 This
was his own flesh and blood crying！ His soul rose against the
voice suddenly breaking out from him； from the distances in
him。
Sometimes in the night； the child cried and cried； when the
night was heavy and sleep oppressed him。 And half asleep； he
stretched out his hand to put it over the baby's face to stop
the crying。 But something arrested his hand： the very
inhumanness of the intolerable； continuous crying arrested him。
It was so impersonal； without cause or object。 Yet he echoed to
it directly； his soul answered its madness。 It filled him with
terror； almost with frenzy。
He learned to acquiesce to this； to submit to the awful；
obliterated sources which were the origin of his living tissue。
He was not what he conceived himself to be！ Then he was what he
was； unknown； potent； dark。
He became accustomed to the child； he knew how to lift and
balance the little body。 The baby had a beautiful； rounded head
that moved him passionately。 He would have fought to the last
drop to defend that exquisite； perfect round head。
He learned to know the little hands and feet； the strange；
unseeing； golden…brown eyes； the mouth that opened only to cry；
or to suck； or to show a queer； toothless laugh。 He could almost
understand even the dangling legs； which at first had created in
him a feeling of aversion。 They could kick in their queer little
way； they had their own softness。
One evening； suddenly； he saw the tiny； living thing rolling
naked in the mother's lap； and he was sick； it was so utterly
helpless and vulnerable and extraneous； in a world of hard
surfaces and varying altitudes； it lay vulnerable and naked at
every point。 Yet it was quite blithe。 And yet； in its blind；
awful crying； was there not the blind； far…off terror of its own
vulnerable nakedness； the terror of being so utterly delivered
over； helpless at every point。 He could not bear to hear it
crying。 His heart strained and stood on guard against the whole
universe。
But he waited for the dread of these days to pass； he saw the
joy ing。 He saw the lovely； creamy； cool little ear of the
baby； a bit of dark hair rubbed to a bronze floss； like
bronze…dust。 And he waited； for the child to bee his； to look
at him and answer him。
It had a separate being； but it was his own child。 His flesh
and blood vibrated to it。 He caught the baby to his breast with
his passionate； clapping laugh。 And the infant knew him。
As the newly…opened； newly…dawned eyes looked at him； he
wanted them to perceive him； to recognize him。 Then he was
verified。 The child knew him； a queer contortion of laughter
came on its face for him。 He caught it to his breast； clapping
with a triumphant laugh。
The golden…brown eyes of the child gradually lit up and
dilated at the sight of the dark…glowing face of the youth。 It
knew its mother better； it wanted its mother more。 But the
brightest； sharpest little ecstasy was for the father。
It began to be strong； to move vigorously and freely； to make
sounds like words。 It was a baby girl now。 Already it knew his
strong hands； it exulted in his strong clasp； it laughed and
crowed when he played with it。
And his heart grew red……hot with passionate feeling for
the child。 She was not much more than a year old when the second
baby was born。 Then he took Ursula for his own。 She his first
little girl。 He had set his heart on her。
The second had dark blue eyes and a fair skin： it was more a
Brangwen； people said。 The hair was fair。 But they forgot Anna's
stiff blonde fleece of childhood。 They called the newer
Gudrun。
This time； Anna was stronger； and not so eager。 She did not
mind that the baby was not a boy。 It was enough that she had
milk and could suckle her child： Oh；