She turned back to Kati。 ？Thanks for the tip；？ she said a little sarcastically。 Maybe if she asked
both twins to rub her with oil； she？d be thronged by hot Hamptons surfer boys？ just her type。
Right。
？Nice suit；？ Isabel piped up meanly。
Vanessa knew she looked ridiculous in Jenny？s girls？ size 12 Hanna Andersson
bumble…bee…striped bathing suit； but she could hardly resist the urge to kick sand in Isabel？s eyes。
Instead she finished her juice box in one guttural slurp。
She heard the skinny girls lying next to Isabel snicker。 Assholes。 She was about to offer them an
icy death…glare when she suddenly realized she knew them！ Except 。 。 。not。 At first the girls looked
exactly like Blair and Serena； but then the longer she stared at them； the more deformed they
appeared。 The brunette had a shaggy face…framing haircut and brilliant blue eyes； and two
enormous teeth protruding from between her lips。 The blonde； who was frighteningly skinny； was
almost beautiful except for the visible pulsating purple…blue vein in her forehead and the fact that
one of her nearly navy…colored eyes was slightly lopsided。 Plus； a truly beautiful girl like Serena
wouldn？t be caught dead in a purple cutout bathing suit like the one this girl had on。 There was
even a ridiculous cutout hole on her belly button。
Still； for that split second； a wave of relief had washed over her。 Friends！ She could have real；
human friends out here！ It made her realize： even if these low…rent versions weren？t the real thing；
Blair and Serenamust be kicking around some…where； right？ Where else would those two go for
the summer？
？Do you haff a problem？？ The weird impostor Blair glared at Vanessa。 ？Maybe is something I
can help you with？？
？Oh； sorry；？ Vanessa stammered； embarrassed that she？d been caught staring。 ？It？s just that？？
？Yes？？ the girl demanded bitchily。
？It？s just that you reminded me of someone I know。？ Was this girl Russian or just retarded？
？Mmmm。？ Bizarro Blair studied Vanessa closely。 Then skankbomb blond version of Serena
sitting to her right leaned over and whispered something into Bizarro Blair？s ear； dramatically。
How friendly。
？You know vhat？？ Bizarro Blair smiled at Vanessa and ran her fingers through her thick；
shoulder…length chestnut hair。 ？You give me very good ideas。？
？Vhatever。？ Vanessa turned away from the blanket full of bitches and focused her attention on
the twins； who were now taking turns spitting chunks of chewed…up orange cracker at one another。
？Very good idea；？ the Blair clone repeated behind her。
Oh？ And what couldthat be？
d？s big fat geek experiment
？You？re here！？
Dan peered nervously into the foyer of Greg？s sprawling Harlem apartment； where they were
holding their very first meeting of the Song of Myself literary salon。
？I？m here。？ Dan stepped inside； hesitating in the dark foyer； pretending to study a massive oil
painting as he anxiously practiced his opening ments in his head。Wele everyone； to our
first meeting。 I？d like to begin by quoting the poet Wallace Stevens； who of course had much to
say on the subject of the centrality of literature to the human condition。 。 。 。 ？Let be be finale of
seem。The only emperor is the emperor of ice cream。？
？Everything okay？？
The weight of Greg？s hand on his shoulder startled Dan。 ？Hey； sorry。？
Greg laughed。 ？Nervous？？
？No； no；？ Dan lied。 ？Just looking at this painting。？ He gestured at the huge canvas hanging over
the mantel in Greg？s parents？ apartment。 They were older than Rufus and spend most of their time
in Phoenix。 A swirl of glossy grays and flesh tones glinted in the afternoon sunlight streaming
through dusty living room windows。
？You like it？？ Greg wondered。 ？It？s one of mine。？
？Really？？ Dan turned to study the painting； actually looking at it this time。 When he took a step
back into the foyer； and then another； he realized that he had been staring at a life…size self…portrait
of Greg； sitting on top of a tiny stepladder； pletely naked。 ？Oh； right。？ He tittered
nervously。 ？Of course。Yeah。 It？s you。？
？In all my glory。？ Greg noticed the rectangular…shaped bottle that Dan was gripping as though his
life depended on it。 ？You brought something！？
？Yeah； some absinthe。？ It was the most literary thing he could find。The kind of thing Rimbaud or
Shelley might have drunk。 Plus； it was the only unopened bottle in the musty cracked…glass
dentist？s cabinet his dad stored liquor in。
？Awesome！？ Greg took the bottle。 ？Should I fix us a drink before everyone gets here？？
？Sure。？ Dan followed his host down the bookshelf…lined hallway toward the living room。 ？I
could use a little some…thing to loosen me up。？
Just a little though； right？ That stuff is so strong it？s like 。 。 。 illegal。
？There？s shlomeone； I mean； someone； there？s 。 。 。？ Dan slurred。 His tongue felt like it was the
size of an eggplant。 ？Doorbell； dude。 They？re here。 It？s time！？ he added； attempting to sit up。
？It？s time！？ Greg leapt up off the low brown leather couch that he and Dan had been sinking
further and further into the more shots of absinthe they drank。 They？d allotted an hour for
planning their opening remarks； but they？d spent most of the time pouring absinthe over lumps of
sugar； then swallowing the sticky； sweet mix in one gulp。 Dan picked up the sterling absinthe
spoon they？d been sharing and popped it into his mouth。
Taste of metal on my tongue。 Poison the color of envy？I？m delirious； you？re delicious； I？m
deluded and delusional。I？m lost without you。 I need you。
Dan grinned。 It was true？absinthedid inspire。 He teetered a little as he crossed the living room？s
shiny wood floors to retrieve his backpack； where his notebook waited for him。 He had to get that
fragment down on paper before he forgot it。
？Look who？s here；？ Greg called。 Dan dropped the bag？ poetic fragment already forgotten？and
tried to focus on the faces of the people who were streaming into the room； which suddenly
seemed to be spinning。 Because they？d sent their pictures he felt like he？d met them already。
There was the cute Charlotte Bront？ girl。 And the insane vampire…lover。
？Everyone grab a drink。？ Greg pointed： ？Bar？s over there。 Plenty more ice in the fridge。 Then I
guess we can all just sit in a circle and introduce ourselves。 Sound good to you； Dan？？
Dan nodded； suddenly unable to form a single word。Sit。 Yes； that sounded like a good idea。 He
lurched through the surprisingly thick crowd？just how many people had been at the door？ Or had
the doorbell rung more than once？ How long had he been digging around in his bag for that
note…book； anyway？ He collapsed back onto the leather couch。
？How about another？？ Greg pointed at the silver tray set with a tiny bottle of pale green liquid
and a bowl of sugar cubes。 Then he took off his glasses； and Dan noticed for the first time that
Greg had millions of tiny freckles all over his face。
？But 。。。my speech；？ Dan murmured。 ？I need to？？
？You need to calm down。？ Greg gently pried the sterling spoon from Dan？s hand and balanced it
on the rim of the glass。 He deposited a sugar cube on the spoon and poured a thin stream of the
potent green liquor over it。
？That was in my mouth；？ Dan protested。
？Doesn？t bother me。？ Greg grinned； and then used the spoon to give the liquor a quick stir before
popping it between his lips。 He pulled the spoon out of his mouth and slipped it back into Dan？s。
Ew； thanks for the germs！
Greg slipped off his beaten black leather Doc Martens； then stepped up onto the couch； almost
stepping on Dan？s thigh as he did so。 He shook the ice in his glass to get the attention of the
assembled pany。 ？Okay； everyone； grab your drinks and settle in。We？ve got a lot to cover
tonight。？
The room was filled with voices； but Dan was having trouble focusing his hearing。 He was
grateful Greg seemed to have everything under control。
？I？ll hand the reins over to our other fearless leader now。？ Placing one hand on Dan？s shoulder to
steady himself； Greg hopped off the couch and took a seat on the battered wooden floor at Dan？s
feet。
？Thank you； Greg。？ Dan wobbled a little as he studied the group。This is it。This is our salon。And
you？re their Gertrude Stein。 ？Gadies and lentlemen； wele to our first meeting of our first salon
of the inaugural meeting of our group。？ He burped quietly。 ？I？m so pleased to excite you and tell
you about exciting and books。 These things I believe and you believe and we all believe together
that about books and books are good and change our lives and make us happier。 And it matters to
us； doesn？t it？ It really does。？
Dan paused。 The only sounds besides the clink of ice were a couple of muffled titters from across
the room。 His tongue felt thick and dry and he knew he was having trouble with his pronunciation；
but he was determined to get his opening remarks out。 He？d spent so long drafting their mission
statement and fielding e…mails and had gone through revision after revision of his speech？he
wasn？t going to go and blow it just because he？d had one drink too many。
One？
？We w