？Can you just bill Lord Marcus？？ Blair asked； irritated。 ？He？s handling the whole thing。？
？I see；？ nodded the concierge； making a note in her little leather notebook。 ？And will his
Lordship be visiting soon？ We？ll need him to sign。？
？I？m not sure；？ admitted Blair。 She was on her way to set up the perfect romantic
evening？lingerie； champagne； the whole thing？but technically she hadn？t spoken to him all day； so
he didn？t even know that they had a date。
？Well； I？m afraid we？re going to need to schedule a time for his Lordship to drop by and sign the
papers；？ the concierge replied firmly。
？Fine；？ snapped Blair。 ？I？ll figure out a time。？
A group of Italian tourists meandered by； randomly snapping pictures of Blair while she fumed。
？Well； Miss 。 。 。？
？Waldorf；？she repeated。
？Miss Waldorf； we？ll need to have that signature on the bill by tomorrow； or I？m afraid we？re
going to have to release the suite。 Wedo have an interested party。？
？Fine；？ Blair replied icily。 ？I？ll call him right now。？ Blair dug out her telephone and selected the
only number in her speed dial。 Lord Marcus？s phone rang and； as she could have predicted； there
was no answer。 She opted not to leave a message。 She？d already left three that day。 She didn？t
want him to think she was insane。
Like buying a wedding dress is sane？
？He？s not answering；？ Blair informed the concierge。 ？He？s very busy at work right now； but I？m
sure I？ll hear from him tonight。 I？ll arrange for him to e by and settle the whole matter；
okay？？
It had only been a few days； but Blair had already lapsed into a Madonna…like English accent；
clipping certain consonants and using phrases like ？the whole matter。？
？That？s fine。？ The concierge nodded。 ？Just do remember that he？ll have to sign the bill by
tomorrow or we？ll be obliged to release the room。 I do hope he？ll find a moment to get away from
his wife and e by。？
？Excuse me？？ Blair demanded。
？I？m sorry？？ the concierge replied snottily。
？What。 Did。 You。 Say？？ Blair could feel the tips of her ears glowing red with fury。 For a moment
she forgot about the dress waiting for her upstairs in her luxurious suite。 She forgot about the maid；
who would happily mix Blair whatever drink she requested as soon as she walked in。 She forgot
about the inroom massage she？d been itching for。 She forgot about Paris。
？I believe I said； I hope he？ll find a moment to get away from his life and e by；？ the
concierge answered sweetly。
？You did not；？ Blair whispered tightly； leaning across the counter； her voice very quiet。 ？You
saidwife 。？
？I？m sure you misunderstood；？ the concierge replied。
？Well； I？m sureyou misunderstood！？ Blair shouted。 She had never been shy。 ？I heard what you
said。？
？Yes； ma？am。 Of course。 I？ll just need to have his Lordship pop by to sign the papers and the
matter will be settled。？
？He？s not married。 She？s hiscousin ；？ Blair went on。 ？And I？m his girlfriend。？ She was
practically shouting。 On the other side of the lobby the Italians turned to look。
The concierge blushed deeply。 ？If we can just keep our voices down。？
？Fuck that。？ Blair had had it with England； with everyone？s polite prattle； with the British
insistence on quiet dignity。 Blair wasn？t interested in quiet or in dignity。 Fuck this bitch； fuck
Britain； fuck Lord Marcus and fuck his horsey cousin Camilla。 She suddenly wanted nothing more
than to be home。 ？You know what？ I don？t want the room。 I want you to call British fucking
Airways and book me a ticket immediately。 One way； first class。 To New York。？ Blair dug into her
bag and found her black American Express card； which she tossed onto the desk angrily。
？One way to New York； first class；？ repeated the concierge。 ？Virgin has flights at eleven daily。
I？ll see if we can get you a seat。？
Virgin。 How appropriate。 Not。
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ABC Amber LIT Converter v2。02
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Disclaimer： All the real names of places； people； and events have been altered or abbreviated to
protect the innocent。 Namely； me。
hey people！
I？m sure some of you have seen it； and I bet you couldn？tbelieve it any more than I could。 There
I was； happily traipsingdown Madison Avenue； in search of some new washed…cottonbeach
cover…ups when what do I see？ The worst sign ever：Closed。 Closed？ It？s not what you think
though： it seems thatBarneys？ creative director and dandy…about…town； GrahamOliver； is besties
with a certain fashion…inept indie auteur andagreed to close up shop for a few days so the cameras
can roll。
I just hope they reopen on schedule： the word is a certain star…let？s debut performance might
need a bit of tweaking。 Things areso grim； in fact； they？re shooting every scene she doesn？t
appearin first； in hopes that all her practice finally makes perfect。
Now that Barneys is closed for a while； I？m thinking of leavingtown for good？no more of this
popping back and forth oncharter jets and helicopters。 I know I said that things don？t getcooking
in the Hamptons for a while； yet？I usually wait until theFourth of July to hunker down for the
season？but I？ve beengetting reports about some intriguing activity out on the island。 Imight have
to check it out myself。 It？s so hard to be me： howcan I be in two places？or three or four or five？at
once？ Notthat I？ve ever had a problem with it before。
summer survival guide
I？m not going to name names？unusual for me； I know？butthere are plenty of repeat offenders out
there。 So as a refresher course； here？s everything you need to know about：
1） Tanning
Obviously； the real thing is best。 If Mother Nature isn？t plying； airbrushing is acceptable； but
remember； whether poolside or in that little spray chamber； you must go naked： tan lines are a
turn…off。 And remember to wax two days before and exfoliate！ Your streaks and splotches aren？t
fooling anyone。
2） Brows
For starters； you know you？re supposed to have two； right？ Now put down the tweezers。 No；
throw them away。 Go see my friend Reese at Bergdorf？s ASAP。 And I don？t want to hear any
plaining about how it？s 45 per brow。
3） Waxing
It？s bathing suit season； so landscaping isn？t optional。 If you？re going to be wearing that Eres
bikini； we？re all going to get a show。 Personally； I endorse the traditional Brazilian （no pain； no
gain）。 And while I？ve been known to opt for a precious little Swarovski crystal appliqu？ tattoo；
there really is no need to gild the lily； is there？
your e…mail
Q：
Dear GG；
I heard there？s a pretty racy film making the rounds on theInternet； and it proves that a certain
someone has been ina movie before。 It was shot on location in Central Park；with that stud N。 Her
hair looks kind of brown and curly；but it？s got to be S； right？
？Cineaste
A：
Dear Cineaste；
You？re going to have to get your facts straight： there was a movie； from； like； a year ago； and no
one involved in that production has anything to do with what？s filming here right now。 That
well…endowed star is off making art？and who knows what else？in Prague。 Au revoir！
？GG
Q：
Dear GG；
There？s this really annoying girl in my yoga class？I？m just trying to get in shape and keep busy
while my best friend is at； like； art camp in Prague for the summer？but she？s always going on
about how yoga is a ？way of life。？ Anyway； after class the other day she was gushing to the
teacher about some new ？spiritual book lover；？ crush and he sounded suspiciously like someone I
know？only not。 Like his evil twin。 Or his good twin。 Anyway； I？m confused。 Are there pod people
in town replacing everyone with clones or what？
？Scared
A：
Dear Scared；
This is an intriguing development。 I doubt it？s aliens； though？sometimes it？s nice to just enjoy a
little summer fantasy。 Haven？t you ever pretended to be someone you weren？t on vacation？ Try it
sometime： check into your hotel as the Principessa de Medici or something like that； and don？t be
surprised if management sends up an enormous fruit basket or some Dom Perignon。 Stretching the
truth sometimes has its merits。
？GG
sightings
B paying an excess…baggage fee at the Virgin counter at Heathrow。 Souvenirs for friends and
loved ones； or was it that oversize wedding dress garment bag？ N picking up a few staples； like
Visine and condoms； at White？s Pharmacy in East Hampton。 D enjoying a very healthy fourveggie
smoothie at Soho Natural。 Maybe he？s shaping up for swimsuit season？ S might want to take a
page from his book？after sneaking out of rehearsal early； she headed straight to the Tuleh sample
sale near F。I。T。 and then made a not…so…brief pit stop at Cold Stone Creamery。 Now； now： looking
like a star is half the work！ Not that she ever has to worry。
You know you love me。
gossip girl
a little bird told me。 。 。 。
？Nate Archibald。 I can？t believe my eyes。？
？Hey； Chuck；？ muttered Nate。 On his way home that afternoon； he？d noticed his front tire was a
little low on air； so he？d pulled into the BP station on Springs Road。 It had been an incredibly hot
day； the kind of da