撩烤浠岸寄芨懔楦校媚愀芾斫庾约骸�
对待自己的这种行为能给内心带来一种根植于现实的安全感。多数人都渴望这种安全，但却不能确切地表达出这种渴望。生活在虚幻中，持续的希望和恐惧是与拥有坚强的意志相悖的。当一个人看到了自己内心的真实，同时也看到了其他人心中的真实，并与之达成谅解时，安全感便随之而来。
沉思的生活通常很繁忙。某种乐趣的缺乏可以通过与人友好相处进行弥补，可往往事与愿违。我们应培养一种轻松愉快的心境，但是只限于内心。没有什么事情是值得担心和恐惧的，也没有什么事情是非常困难的。因此我们应以轻松的心态去面对自己和他人遭遇的困难，但切勿过于外露。做一个内敛的人，怀有些许的愉悦心情，这样会达到更好的效果。如果一个人在对待自己时有幽默感，就很容易正确地爱自己，同样也更容易爱他人。
有时我们以为可以美化自己，那是不可能的。人们总是希望展现给别人的比真实的自己更完美。当然，当实现不了时，就会对自己和他人都感到失望。只有真实地了解自己才能真正地爱自己。接受真实的自己和他人，我们的净化工作——祛除心灵的杂质，才会更容易。
… 心灵小语
爱自己，接受自己，不会因自己的缺陷而厌恶自己，也不会因自己的富有而沾沾自喜，客观地看待自己，接受真实的自我——用健康的方式爱自己。
Accepting Oneself
Anonymous
It’s a strange phenomenon how difficult people find it to love themselves。 One would think it is the easiest thing in the world； because we’re constantly concerned with ourselves。 We’re always interested in how much we can get； how well we can perform； how fortable we can be。 So with all that； why is it so difficult to actually love oneself？
Loving oneself certainly doesn’t mean indulging oneself。 Really loving is an attitude towards oneself that most people don’t have； because they know quite a few things about themselves which are not desirable。 Everybody has innumerable1 attitudes； reactions； likes and dislikes which they’d be better off without。 Judgment is made and while one likes one’s positive attitudes； one dislikes the others。 With that es suppression of those aspects of oneself that one is not pleased with。 One doesn’t want to know about them and doesn’t acknowledge them。 That’s one way of dealing with oneself； which is detrimental2 to growth。 电子书 分享网站
接受自己（3）
Another unskillful way is to dislike that part of oneself which appears negative and every time it arises one blames oneself； which makes matters twice as bad as they were before。 With that es fear and very often aggression。 If one wants to deal with oneself in a balanced way； it’s not useful to pretend that the unpleasant part doesn’t exist； those aggressive； irritable； sensual； conceited tendencies。 If we pretend we are far from reality and put a split into ourselves。 Even though such a person may be totally sane； the appearance given is that of not being quite real。 We’ve all e across people like that； who are too sweet to be true； as a result of pretense and suppression。 Blaming oneself doesn’t work either。 In both instances one transfers one’s own reactions to other people。 One blames others for their deficiencies； real or imagined； or one doesn’t see them as ordinary human beings。 Everyone lives in an unreal world； because it’s ego…deluded； but this one is particularly unreal； because everything is considered either as perfectly wonderful or absolutely terrible。
The only thing that is real is that we have six roots within us。 Three roots of good and three roots of evil。 The latter are greed； hate and delusion； but we also have their opposites： generosity3； loving…kindness and wisdom。 Take an interest in this matter。 If one investigates this and doesn’t get anxious about it； then one can easily accept these six roots in everybody。 No difficulty at all； when one has seen them in oneself。 They are the underlying roots of everyone’s behavior。 Then we can look at ourselves a little more realistically； namely not blaming ourselves for the unwholesome roots； not patting ourselves on the back for the wholesome ones； but rather accepting their existence within us。 We can also accept others more clear…sightedly and have a much easier time relating to them。
We will not suffer from disappointments and we won’t blame； because we won’t live in a world where only black or white exists； either the three roots of unwholesomeness or their opposites。 Such a world doesn’t exist anywhere； and the only person to be like that is an Arahant。 It’s largely a matter of degree in everyone else。 These degrees of good and evil are so finely tuned； there’s so little difference within the degrees in each one of us that it really doesn’t matter。 Everybody has the same job to do； to cultivate the wholesome tendencies and uproot the unwholesome ones。
Apparently we’re all very different。 That too is an illusion。 We’re all having the same problems and also the same faculties to deal with them。 The only difference is the length of training that one has had。 Training which may have been going on for a number of lifetimes has brought about a little more clarity； that’s all。
接受自己（4）
Clarity of thinking es from purification of one’s emotions； which is a difficult job that needs to be done。 But it can only be done successfully when it isn’t an emotional upheaval； but clear cut； straight forward work that one does on oneself。 When it is considered to be just that； it takes the sting out of it。 The charge of “I’m so wonderful” or “I’m so terrible” is defused。 We are neither wonderful nor terrible。 Everyone is a human being with all the potential and all the obstructions。 If one can love that human being； the one that is “me” with all its faculties and tendencies； then one can love others realistically； usefully and helpfully。 But if one makes a break in the middle and loves the part which is nice and dislikes the part which isn’t nice enough； one’s never going to e to grips with reality。
If we look at ourselves in that manner； we will learn to love ourselves in a wholesome way。“Just as a mother at the risk of life； loves and protects her child。。。” Bee your own mother！If we want to have a relationship with ourselves that is realistic and conducive to growth； then we need to bee our own mother。 A sensible mother can distinguish between that which is useful for her child and that which is detrimental。 But she doesn’t stop loving the child when it misbehaves。 This may be the most important aspect to look at in ourselves。 Everyone； at one time or another； misbehaves in thought or speech or action——most frequently in thought； fairly frequently in speech and not so often in action。 So what do we do with that？ What does a mother do？ She tells the child not to do it again； loves the child as much as she’s always loved it and just gets on with the job of bringing up her child。 Maybe we can start to bring up ourselves。
The whole of this training is a matter of maturing。 Maturity is wisdom； which is unfortunately not connected to age。 If it were； it would be very easy。 One would have a guarantee。 Since it is hard work； a job to be done。 First es recognition； then learning not to condemn； but to understand； “This is the way it is。” The third step is change。 Recognition4 may be the hardest part for most people； it’s not easy to see what goes on inside of oneself。 This is the most important and the most interesting aspect of contemplation。
We lead a contemplative life； but that does not mean we sit in meditation all day long。 A contemplative life means that one considers every aspect of what happens as part of a learning experience。 One remains introspective under all circumstances。 When one bees outgoing； one goes to the world with one’s thoughts； speech and action。 One needs to recollect oneself and return within。 In our way it’s a bination of meditation and lifestyle。 The contemplative life goes on inside of oneself。 One can do the same thing with or without recollection。 Contemplation is the most important aspect of introspection。 It isn’t necessary to sit still all day and watch one’s breath。 Every move； every thought； every word can give rise to understanding oneself。
接受自己（5）
This kind of work on oneself will bring about deep inner security； which is rooted in reality。 Most people are wishing and hoping for this kind of security； but are not even able to voice their longing。 Living in a myth； constantly hoping or being afraid is opposed to having inner strength。 The feeling of security arises when one sees reality inside of oneself and thereby the reality in everyone else and es to terms with it。
The contemplative life is often lived heavy…handedly。 A certain lack of joy is pensated for by being outgoing。 This doesn’t work。 One should cultivate certain light…heartedness； but stay within oneself。 There’s nothing to be worried or fearful about； nothing that is too difficult。 So we need a light…hearted approach to our own difficulties and those of everyone else； but not exuberance and outpouring。 Rather a constant inwardness； which contains a bit of amusement。 This works best。 If one has a sense of humor about oneself； it is much easier to love oneself properly。 It’s also much easier to love everybody else。
We sometimes think we can portray something we are not。 That is not possible。 People generally try to show themselves off as something better than they really are。 Then； o