I try to sing a song； but in vain。
A hidden smile trembles on your lips； ask of it the reason of my failure。
Let your smiling lips say on oath how my voice lost itself in silence like a drunken bee in the lotus。
It is evening； and the time for the flowers to close their petals。
Give me leave to sit by your side； and bid my lips to do the work that can be done in silence and in the dim light of stars。
The Gardener 40
An unbelieving smile flits on your eyes when I e to you to take my leave。
I have done it so often that you think I will soon return。
To tell you the truth I have the same doubt in my mind。
For the spring days e again time after time； the full moon takes leave and es on another visit； the flowers e again and blush upon their branches year after year； and it is likely that I take my leave only to e to you again。
But keep the illusion awhile； do not send it away with ungentle haste。
When I say I leave you for all time； accept it as true； and let a mist of tears for one moment deepen the dark rim of your eyes。
Then smile as archly as you like when I e again。
The Gardener 41
I long to speak the deepest words I have to say to you； but I dare not； for fear you should laugh。
That is why I laugh at myself and shatter my secret in jest。
I make light of my pain； afraid you should do so。
I long to tell you the truest words I have to say to you； but I dare not； being afraid that you would not believe them。
That is why I disguise them in untruth； saying the contrary of what I mean。
I make my pain appear absurd； afraid that you should do so。
I long to use the most precious words I have for you； but I dare not； fearing I should not be paid with like value。
That is why I gave you hard names and boast of my callous strength。
I hurt you； for fear you should never know any pain。
I long to sit silent by you； but I dare not lest my heart e out at my lips。
That is why I prattle and chatter lightly and hide my heart behind words。
I rudely handle my pain； for fear you should do so。
I long to go away from your side； but I dare not； for fear my cowardice should bee known to you。
That is why I hold my head high and carelessly e into your presence。
Constant thrusts from your eyes keep my pain fresh for ever。
园丁集 第十一章（1）
The Gardener 42
O mad； superbly drunk；
If you kick open your doors and play the fool in public；
If you empty your bag in a night； and snap your fingers at prudence；
If you walk in curious paths and play with useless things； Reck not rhyme or reason；
If unfurling your sails before the storm you snap the rudder in two；
Then I will follow you； rade； and be drunken and go to the dogs。
I have wasted my days and nights in the pany of steady wise neighbours。
Much knowing has turned my hair grey； and much watching has made my sight dim。
For years I have gathered and heaped up scraps and fragments of things；
Crush them and dance upon them； and scatter them all to the winds。
For I know this the height of wisdom to be drunken and go to the dogs。
Let all crooked scruples vanish； let me hopelessly lose my way。
Let a gust of wild giddiness e and sweep me away from my anchors。
The world is peopled with worthies； and workers； useful and clever。
There are men who are easily first； and men who e decently after。
Let them be happy and prosper； and let me be foolishly futile。
For I know this the end of all works to be drunken and go to the dogs。
I swear to surrender this moment all claims to the ranks of the decent。
I let go my pride of learning and judgment of right and of wrong。
I’ll shatter memory’s vessel； scattering the last drop of tears。
With the foam of the berry…red wine I will bathe and brighten my laughter。
The badge of the civil and staid I’ll tear into shreds for the nonce。
I’ll take the holy vow to be worthless； to be drunken and go to the dogs。
The Gardener 43
No； my friends； I shall never be an ascetic； whatever you may say。
I shall never be an ascetic if she does not take the vow with me。
It is my firm resolve that if I cannot find a shady shelter and a panion for my penance； I shall never turn ascetic。
No； my friends； I shall never leave my hearth and home； and retire into the forest solitude；
If rings no merry laughter in its echoing shade and if the end of no saffron mantle flutters in the wind；
If its silence is not deepened by soft whispers。
I shall never be an ascetic。
The Gardener 44
Reverend sir； forgive this pair of sinners。 Spring winds today are blowing in wild eddies； driving dust and dead leaves away； and with them your lessons are all lost。
Do not say； father； that life is a vanity。
For we have made truce with death for once； and only for a few fragrant hours we two have been made immortal。
Even if the king’s army came and fiercely fell upon us we should sadly shake our heads and say； Brothers； you are disturbing us。
If you must have this noisy game； go and clatter your arms elsewhere。
Since only for a few fleeting moments we have been made immortal。
If friendly people came and flocked around us； we should humbly bow to them and say； this extravagant good fortune is an embarrassment to us。 Room is scarce in the infinite sky where we dwell。
园丁集 第十一章（2）
For in the springtime flowers e in crowds； and the busy wings of bees jostle each other。 Our little heaven； where dwell only we two immortals； is too absurdly narrow。
The Gardener 45
To the guests that must go bid God’s speed and brush away all traces of their steps。
Take to your bosom with a smile what is easy and simple and near。
Today is the festival of phantoms that know not when they die。
Let your laughter be but a meaningless mirth like twinkles of light on the ripples。
Let your life lightly dance on the edges of Time like dew on the tip of a leaf。
Strike in chords from your harp fitful momentary rhythms。
The Gardener 46
You left me and went on your way。
I thought I should mourn for you and set your solitary image in my heart wrought in a golden song。
But ah； my evil fortune； time is short。
Youth wanes year after year； the spring days are fugitive； the frail flowers die for nothing； and the wise man warns me that life is but a dewdrop on the lotus leaf。
Should I neglect all this to gaze after one who has turned her back on me？
That would be rude and foolish； for time is short。
Then； e； my rainy nights with pattering feet； smile； my golden autumn； e； careless April； scattering your kisses abroad。
You e； and you； and you also！
My loves； you know we are mortals。 Is it wise to break one’s heart for the one who takes her heart away？ For time is short。
It is sweet to sit in a corner to muse and write in rhymes that you are all my world。
It is heroic to hug one’s sorrow and determine not to be consoled。
But a fresh face peeps across my door and raises its eyes to my eyes。
I cannot but wipe away my tears and change the tune of my song。
For time is short。
The Gardener 47
If you would have it so； I will end my singing。
If it sets your heart aflutter； I will take away my eyes from your face。
If it suddenly startles you in your walk； I will step aside and take another path。
If it confuses you in your flower…weaving； I will shun your lonely garden。
If it makes the water wanton and wild； I will not row my boat by your bank。
The Gardener 48
Free me from the bonds of your sweetness； my love！ No more of this wine of kisses。
This mist of heavy incense stifles my heart。
Open the doors； make room for the morning light。
I am lost in you； wrapped in the folds of your caresses。
Free me from your spells； and give me back the manhood to offer you my free heart。
The Gardener 49
I hold her hands and press her to my breast。
I try to fill my arms with her loveliness； to plunder her sweet smile with kisses； to drink her dark glances with my eyes。
Ah； but； where is it？ Who can strain the blue from the sky？
I try to grasp the beauty； it eludes me； leaving only the body in my hands。
Baffled and weary I e back。
How can the body touch the flower which only the spirit may touch？
The Gardener 50
Love； my heart longs day and night for the meeting with you—for the meeting that is like all…devouring death。 电子书 分享网站
园丁集 第十一章（3）
Sweep me away like a storm； take everything I have； break open my sleep and plunder my dreams。 Rob me of my world。
In that devastation； in the utter nakedness of spirit； let us bee one in beauty。
Alas for my vain desire！ Where is this hope for union except in thee； my God？
The Gardener 51
Then finish the last song and let us leave。
Forget this night when the night is no more。
Whom do I try to clasp in my arms？ Dreams can never be made captive。
My eager hands press emptiness to my heart and it bruises my breast。
The Gardener 52
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