er; of care and luck; and more。 I suddenly remembered something I saw on your face last summer; when I was home on a visit shortly after Jana’s birth。
We were sitting on the glider swing in the backyard。 It was a lovely morning; cool there in the shade; and the air was full of fragrance from your rose garden。 I was holding Jana; who seemed to enjoy the gentle movement of the swing。
But I wasn’t enjoying anything just then。 I’d had a rough night。 Jana was six weeks old and had been up every few hours。 I; fretful and nervous as only a new mother can be; had been having trouble falling back to sleep between her feedings。 I was cranky and tired; and not feeling cheerful about this motherhood business at all。
Sitting on the glider; we talked—or rather; I talked; letting loose my load of anxiety and frustrations on you。 And out of the blue; you reached over to touch my hair。
“It’s so pretty。” you said; an odd expression on your face。 “The way the sun is hitting it just now。。。 I never noticed you had so many red highlights before。”
A little embarrassed; preoccupied2 with other thoughts and problems; I shrugged off your ment。 I don’t know what I said; something short and dismissive; no doubt; as I waved away the pliment。 But your words affected me。 It had been a long time since someone had seen something truly beautiful in me; and I was pleased。 It has taken me this long to realize that the look you gave me that day is the same look I give her almost daily。 And it makes me wonder: Is it possible that you still see the miracle in me that I see in Jana? Does the magic continue even when your children are grown and gone and parents themselves? Will I look at Jana in thirty years and still feel the same rush of love for her that I do now?
It almost hurts to think of that kind of love。 It’s too vulnerable; too fragile。 I know well the barriers that spring up between parents and their children over the years; the frictions; the misunderstandings; the daily conflicts and struggles; the inevitable pulling away and final break for independence。 I ache to think that someday Jana will grow up and wave away my tentative words of love as I did yours。
What happens to that first strong rush of love? Is it lost somewhere along the way; buried beneath the routine practicalities of caring for a growing child? Or is it there all along unvoiced and unexpressed; until; perhaps; a new child is born and a mother reaches out to touch her daughter’s hair?
That; it seems to me; is the real miracle: the way a mother’s love is rediscovered; repeated; passed on again and again—as it has been handed down in our lives from you to me; from me to Jana; and from Jana; perhaps; to her own children。 It is a gift in itself。
I guess what I’ve been meaning to say all along is; thanks; Mom。
生日的承诺(1)
安妮·卡特
今天,正如承诺的那样,妈妈,我们要一起度过一段幸福的时光。
我在早上的5点45分就起床了,像这么多年来您所做的那样。我穿上了您那件我以为自己早就丢弃的破旧浴袍,我很庆幸没那样做,因为您最喜欢的太臼香水味已经渗透在了衣服的纤维里。我穿上了您的拖鞋,鞋的前部是开口的,这让我很开心,因为可以给我长长的脚趾留足空间。现在,我们又在一起了,至少我的感觉是这样的。
这是漫长的一年,妈妈,我是如此思念您。但是,我还好。是的,我在努力,您一直对我说,这才是最重要的。
我知道您喜欢很早就吃早餐,我已经为您准备好了所有您爱吃的东西。大多数人在早上的时候不是喝咖啡,就是喝茶,可是您却喝苏打水,您会这样称呼它:“可口——啊——可乐。”您跟我说这是南方的习俗。我从未有任何一个时刻相信过这句话,即使您确实生长在弗吉尼亚。我认为您是需要用高糖来开始新的一天。这是个艰难的选择,但是我最终还是决定用花生白脱小饼做主食,并不是那种成袋的食物,而是完全由手工制作的,我从罐子里取出一块摊平,然后用力挤压,就像奥利奥饼干似的。
小鸟开始在户外吟唱,太阳正在宣布新一天的开始。此时,您会打开收音机,调至您喜欢的电台。听!猜一下是什么?他们正在播放您最喜欢的歌曲——《古老的黑魔法》。
早上吃花生白脱也是不错的!您还记得您曾经总是用花生白脱小饼喂我的那条德国牧羊犬吗?因此,它是多么爱您啊!它的嘴角上总是黏满了花生白脱,使它看起来就像在微笑一样。您对动物们总是有自己的一套。
我的脑海里又呈现出了我最喜爱的长尾小鹦鹉巴吉。有一次,在您做早餐的时候,它扑进了煎锅。 我不应该把它从笼中放出来,可是我确实这样做了,结果它把自己的脚烧焦了。我觉得您会对我发火,可是您的全部心思都集中在了尽快治好那只可怜的小鸟上。当您询问药剂师哪个品牌的抗生素乳膏可以涂在这只小鹦鹉的脚部时,他认为您疯了。
说到有趣的动物故事,您还记得我的那只宠物鼠布朗尼掉进烘干机的管子里吗?您给您购买的那台烘干机的零售商希尔斯(美国最大的零售百货企业)打了电话。您问他们,怎样才能把那只小仓鼠解救出来。他们告诉您先开机,随后管子里最初的气流会把它推出来。我们这样做了,结果布朗尼就像炮弹一样飞到了空中。爸爸戴着他的棒球手套,一下就接住了它,真是令人难以置信,但是这只爆发出来的仓鼠竟然活了下来!
我又想起来了……您还记得我炸飞炉子的事吗?我只是想获得女子军的烹饪奖章,结果用了一年时间我的眉毛和眼睫毛才重新长好。那天晚上,您跟我一起睡的,还跟我说这不是我的错。可是,过了很久,您才允许我独自留在厨房。
以前我从未跟您说过这件事,但就在我那次烘烤惨剧发生之后,您亲爱的妈妈告诉了我一个秘密,她曾经送给您一只高压锅作为结婚礼物。您第一次使用的时候,将定时器定在了“高”,结果您做的鸡肉成了厨房顶上电灯装置的一部分。外婆告诉我说,爸爸用了整整一个星期才把天花板擦干净。所以,我仅仅是少了一些面部的毛发而已。
您的妈妈一定没有责备过您,因为这么多年了,我做了太多蠢事,但是您从未教训或惩罚过我。您说“做任何事都是一个学习的过程”,我是一个小孩,想象力活跃,而且有自己的想法。
我想我还是老样子,妈妈,当您的两个外孙女也要挣脱我的束缚时,我也努力这样做了。她们现在都很好,不过她们非常思念您。她们两个在各自的卧室都有一张您的照片。您的5个曾孙们永远也忘不了他们的“弗吉尼亚外婆”。 。。
生日的承诺(2)
您总是为我的女儿们感到骄傲。您决不会放过任何一个机会告诉我,我培养她们的工作做得多么成功。我想让您知道,您所说的话,对我来说是多么重要,如果没有您,我不可能做到这些。
您的外孙女们拥有您的温柔和刚强。记得有一次,大女儿决定要离家出走。她在晚餐时宣布她要离开这里,去跟住在6个街区之外的祖父母一起生活,理由是我 “太刻薄”了。我想把她锁在房间里,可是您建议说我应该让她自行解决这个问题,还说这会是一次学习的经历。后来,她收拾了一大箱行李,结果仅仅走了3 个街区就累倒在附近的一家面包房的门口。店主用一辆运送面包的卡车把她送回了家,还给了她一打油炸圈饼。直到现在,她还用一种滑稽的眼神看我。
妈妈,您认为她那天学到的是在长途旅行时要精简装备吗?不过,还是很有效果的。她太累了,已经忘记了为什么生气,而且肚子里还塞满了油炸面圈,她已经不在乎其他了。
最近,您的另一个外孙女正在看你们两个一起旅行时您拍的照片。我忘记了那一年你们去了多少个国家。但是我仍然记得我曾经接到的那个电话,依稀发生在昨天。您在电话里说您必须停止在夏威夷的假期,因为您在怀基基海滩上被一只冲浪板撞伤了,腿部缝了20针。您的外孙女一整夜都在照看着您。第二天早上,她独自安排好了返程的事务。那年她才13岁,您为她感到骄傲。
如今,当我看到我的女儿们也成为了优秀的母亲时,我也有了这种感觉,妈妈。
说到您的曾外孙们,我能说的就是他们始终神采奕奕;如果并非如此,那就是我已经年迈了。我的梳妆台上摆放着一张全家福,每个人看起来都非常开心,我们现在依旧很开心。我觉得,您会喜欢听到这些。没有了您,我感到很艰难,但是我想我们最终会妥善安排好一切的。
很晚了,我们先告一段落吧。明年,我们会再来的,我保证。
生日快乐,妈妈。
时光荏苒,无论我们在怎样的环境和形势下活着,总难以忘记母亲对我们的爱,如果你的母亲已经离你远去,不要悲哀,因为母亲的音容笑貌依然清晰、和蔼。母亲已经成为你的记忆中的永恒风景。
The Birthday Promise
Anne Carter
Today; as promised; Mother; we’re going to spend some quality time together。
I awoke at 5:45 A。 M。 as you had done for so many years。 I put on your tattered bathrobe that I thought I had discarded。 I was pleased I hand’t; because your favorite scent; Tabs; still permeates its fibers。 I stuffed my feet into your slippers and was glad that they were open in the front to acmodate my longer toes。 Now; we’re together again。 At least it feels that way to me。
It’s been a very long year; Mom; and I miss you so much。 But I’m doing okay。 Well; I’m trying; and you always told me that’s what counts。
I know you enjoyed an early breakfast; and I’ve got all your favorites。 Most of the world drinks coffee or tea in the morning。 You drank soda:“Coke—a—Cola。” as you called it。 You told me it was a Southern custom。 I never believed that for a moment; even though you were born and raised in Virginia。 I think you needed a sugar high to start the day。 It was a tough choice; but I decided on the peanut butter crackers for the main course—handmade; not the packaged ones; spread one at a time straight form the jar and pressed together like an Oreo cookie。
生日的承诺(3)
The birds have started to sing outside; and the sun is announcing the beginning of another new day。 Right about now; you would have turned on your radio and tuned into your favorite radio station。 Here goes!。。。 Guess what? They’re playing one of your favorite songs。 “Thad Old Black Magic。 ”
Peanut butter isn’t all that bad in the morning!Do you remember when you used to feed my German shepherd peanut butter crackers? How she loved you for that! The peanut butter would get stuck to the roof of her mouth and made her look like she was smiling。 You always had such a way with animals。
That brings to mind the time my