it could fit； the long； flat line of a mesa flanked by blunt peaks on either end； like sentinels。 Such a thing
would take space； and the mountains to the east and north were thick with toothy points。 I couldn’t see
where the flat mesa could be hiding between them。
Midmorning—the sun was still in the east； in my eyes—I’d stopped to rest。 I’d felt so weak that it
frightened me。 Every muscle in my body had begun to ache； but it was not from all the walking。 I could
feel the ache of exertion and also the ache from sleeping on the ground； and these were different from the
new ache。 My body was drying out； and this ache was my muscles protesting the torture of it。 I knew
that I couldn’t keep going much longer。
I’d turned my back on the east to get the sun off my face for a moment。
That’s when I’d seen it。 The long； flat line of the mesa； unmistakable with the bordering peaks。 There it
was； so far away in the distant west that it seemed to shimmer above a mirage； floating； hovering over the
desert like a dark cloud。 Every step we’d walked had been in the wrong direction。 The last marker was
farther to the west than we’d e in all our journeying。
“Impossible；” I whispered again。
Melanie was frozen in my head； unthinking； blank； trying desperately to reject this new prehension。 I
waited for her； my eyes tracing the undeniably familiar shapes； until the sudden weight of her acceptance
and grief knocked me to my knees。 Her silent keen of defeat echoed in my head and added one more
layer to the pain。 My breathing turned ragged—a soundless； tearless sobbing。 The sun crept up my back；
its heat soaked deep into the darkness of my hair。
And finally； not really sure why I did it； I started walking forward。 I knew only this： that it was me who
moved and no one else。 Melanie was so small in my brain—a tiny capsule of pain wrapped tightly in on
her herself。 There was no help from her。
My footsteps were a slowcrunch； crunch across the brittle ground。
“He was just a deluded old lunatic； after all；” I murmured to myself。 A strange shudder rocked my chest；
and a hoarse coughing ripped its way up my throat。 The stream of gravelly coughs rattled on； but it
wasn’t until I felt my eyes pricking for tears that couldn’t e that I realized I was laughing。
“There was… never… ever… anything out here！” I gasped between spasms of hysteria。 I staggered
forward as though I were drunk； my footprints trailing unevenly behind me。
No。Melanie uncurled from her misery to defend the faith she still clung to。I got it wrong or something。
My fault。
I laughed at her now。 The sound was sucked away by the scorching wind。
Wait； wait；she thought； trying to pull my attention from the joke of it all。You don’t think… I mean； do
you think that maybe theytried this？
Her unexpected fear caught me midlaugh。 I choked on the hot air； my chest throbbing from my fit of
morbid hysteria。 By the time I could breathe again； all trace of my black humor was gone。 Instinctively；
my eyes swept the desert void； looking for some evidence that I was not the first to waste my life this
way。 The plain was impossibly vast； but I couldn’t halt my frantic search for… remains。
No； of course not。Melanie was already forting herself。Jared’s too smart。 He would never e
out here unprepared like we did。 He’d never put Jamie in danger。
I’m sure you’re right；I told her； wanting to believe it as much as she did。I’m sure no one else in the
whole universe could be this stupid。 Besides； he probably never came to look。 He probably never
figured it out。 Wish you hadn’t。
My feet kept moving。 I was barely aware of the action。 It meant so little in the face of the distance
ahead。 And even if we were magically transported to the very base of the mesa； what then？ I was
absolutely positive there was nothing there。 No one waited at the mesa to save us。
“We’re going to die；” I said。 I was surprised that there was no fear in my rasping voice。 This was just a
fact like any other。 The sun is hot。 The desert is dry。 We are going to die。
Yes。She was calm； too。 This； death； was easier to accept than that our efforts had been guided by
insanity。
“That doesn’t bother you？”
She thought for a moment before answering。
I counted nineteen steps before I could respond。 Nineteen sluggish； futile crunches across the sand。
“Then what am I dying for？” I wondered； the pricking feeling returning in my desiccated tear ducts。 “I
guess it’s because I lost； then； right？ Is that why？”
I counted thirty…four crunches before she had an answer to my question。
No；she thought slowly。It doesn’t feel that way to me。 I think… Well； I think that maybe… you’re
dying to be human。 There was almost a smile in her thought as she heard the silly double meaning to the
phrase。After all the planets and all the hosts you’ve left behind； you’ve finally found the place and
the body you’d die for。 I think you’ve found your home； Wanderer。
Ten crunches。
I didn’t have the energy to open my lips anymore。Too bad I didn’t get to stay here longer； then。
I wasn’t sure about her answer。 Maybe she was trying to make me feel better。 A sop for dragging her
out here to die。 She had won； she had never disappeared。
My steps began to falter。 My muscles screamed out to me for mercy； as if I had any means to soothe
them。 I think I would have stopped right there； but Melanie was； as always； tougher than I。
I could feel her now； not just in my head but in my limbs。 My stride lengthened； the path I made was
straighter。 By sheer force of will； she dragged my half…dead carcass toward the impossible goal。
There was an unexpected joy to the pointless struggle。 Just as I could feel her； she could feel my body。
Our body； now； my weakness ceded control to her。 She gloried in the freedom of moving our arms and
legs forward； no matter how useless such a motion was。 It was bliss simply because shecould again。
Even the pain of the slow death we had begun dimmed in parison。
What do you think is out there？she asked me as we marched on toward the end。What will you see；
after we’re dead？
Nothing。The word was empty and hard and sure。There’s a reason we call it the finaldeath。
The souls have no belief in an afterlife？
We have so many lives。 Anything more would be… too much to expect。 We die a little death every
time we leave a host。 We live again in another。 When I die here； that will be the end。
There was a long pause while our feet moved more and more slowly。
What about you？I finally asked。Do you still believe in something more； even after all of this？ My
thoughts raked over her memories of the end of the human world。
It seems like there are some things thatcan’tdie。
Would it be a relief to be free of it？ I wasn’t sure。 It felt like it was part of who I was now。
We only lasted a few hours。 Even Melanie’s tremendous strength of mind could ask no more than that of
our failing body。 We could barely see。 We couldn’t seem to find the oxygen in the dry air we sucked in
and spit back out。 The pain brought rough whimpers breaking through our lips。
You’ve never had itthisbad； I teased her feebly as we staggered toward a dried stick of a tree standing
a few feet taller than the low brush。 We wanted to get to the thin streaks of shade before we fell。
No；she agreed。Never this bad。
We attained our purpose。 The dead tree threw its cobwebby shadow over us； and our legs fell out from
under us。 We sprawled forward； never wanting the sun on our face again。 Our head turned to the side on
its own； searching for the burning air。 We stared at the dust inches from our nose and listened to the
gasping of our breath。
After a time； long or short we didn’t know； we closed our eyes。 Our lids were red and bright inside。 We
couldn’t feel the faint web of shade； maybe it no longer touched us。
How long？I asked her。
I don’t know； I’ve never died before。
An hour？ More？
Your guess is as good as mine。
Where’s a coyote when you really need one？
Maybe we’ll get lucky… escaped claw beast or something…Her thought trailed off incoherently。
That was our last conversation。 It was too hard to concentrate enough to form words。 There was more
pain than we thought there should be。 All the muscles in our body rioted； cramping and spasming as they
fought death。
We didn’t fight。 We drifted and waited； our thoughts dipping in and out of memories without a pattern。
While we were still lucid； we hummed ourselves a lullaby in our head。 It was the one we’d used to
fort Jamie when the ground was too hard； or the air was too cold； or the fear was too great to sleep。
We felt his head press into the hollow just below our shoulder and the shape of his back under our arm。
And then it seemed that it wasour head cradled against a broader shoulder； and a new lullaby forted
us。
Our lids turned black； but not with death。 Night had fallen； and this made us sad。 Without the heat of
day； we would probably last longer。
It was dark and silent for a timeless space。 Then th