now existed; it was; too; a fierce and potent spirit which
would devour the dusty books and parchments on the
office wall with one lick of its tongue; and leave him in a
minute standing in nakedness; if he gave way to it。 His
endeavor; for many years; had been to control the spirit;
and at the age of twentynine he thought he could pride
himself upon a life rigidly divided into the hours of work
and those of dreams; the two lived side by side without
harming each other。 As a matter of fact; this effort at
discipline had been helped by the interests of a difficult
profession; but the old conclusion to which Ralph had
e when he left college still held sway in his mind;
and tinged his views with the melancholy belief that life
for most people pels the exercise of the lower gifts
and wastes the precious ones; until it forces us to agree
that there is little virtue; as well as little profit; in what
once seemed to us the noblest part of our inheritance。
Denham was not altogether popular either in his office
or among his family。 He was too positive; at this stage of
his career; as to what was right and what wrong; too
proud of his selfcontrol; and; as is natural in the case of
persons not altogether happy or well suited in their conditions;
too apt to prove the folly of contentment; if he
found any one who confessed to that weakness。 In the
office his rather ostentatious efficiency annoyed those
who took their own work more lightly; and; if they foretold
his advancement; it was not altogether sympathetically。
Indeed; he appeared to be rather a hard and self
sufficient young man; with a queer temper; and manners
that were unpromisingly abrupt; who was consumed
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with a desire to get on in the world; which was natural;
these critics thought; in a man of no means; but not
engaging。
The young men in the office had a perfect right to these
opinions; because Denham showed no particular desire
for their friendship。 He liked them well enough; but shut
them up in that partment of life which was devoted
to work。 Hitherto; indeed; he had found little difficulty
in arranging his life as methodically as he arranged his
expenditure; but about this time he began to encounter
experiences which were not so easy to classify。 Mary
Datchet had begun this confusion two years ago by bursting
into laughter at some remark of his; almost the first
time they met。 She could not explain why it was。 She
thought him quite astonishingly odd。 When he knew her
well enough to tell her how he spent Monday and Wednesday
and Saturday; she was still more amused; she laughed
till he laughed; too; without knowing why。 It seemed to
her very odd that he should know as much about breeding
bulldogs as any man in England; that he had a collection
of wild flowers found near London; and his weekly
visit to old Miss Trotter at Ealing; who was an authority
upon the science of Heraldry; never failed to excite her
laughter。 She wanted to know everything; even the kind of
cake which the old lady supplied on these occasions; and
their summer excursions to churches in the neighborhood
of London for the purpose of taking rubbings of the brasses
became most important festivals; from the interest she
took in them。 In six months she knew more about his odd
friends and hobbies than his own brothers and sisters knew;
after living with him all his life; and Ralph found this very
pleasant; though disordering; for his own view of himself
had always been profoundly serious。
Certainly it was very pleasant to be with Mary Datchet
and to bee; directly the door was shut; quite a different
sort of person; eccentric and lovable; with scarcely any
likeness to the self most people knew。 He became less
serious; and rather less dictatorial at home; for he was apt
to hear Mary laughing at him; and telling him; as she was
fond of doing; that he knew nothing at all about anything。
She made him; also; take an interest in public questions;
for which she had a natural liking; and was in process of
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turning him from Tory to Radical; after a course of public
meetings; which began by boring him acutely; and ended
by exciting him even more than they excited her。
But he was reserved; when ideas started up in his mind;
he divided them automatically into those he could discuss
with Mary; and those he must keep for himself。 She
knew this and it interested her; for she was accustomed
to find young men very ready to talk about themselves;
and had e to listen to them as one listens to children;
without any thought of herself。 But with Ralph; she
had very little of this maternal feeling; and; in consequence;
a much keener sense of her own individuality。
Late one afternoon Ralph stepped along the Strand to
an interview with a lawyer upon business。 The afternoon
light was almost over; and already streams of greenish
and yellowish artificial light were being poured into an
atmosphere which; in country lanes; would now have been
soft with the smoke of wood fires; and on both sides of
the road the shop windows were full of sparkling chains
and highly polished leather cases; which stood upon
shelves made of thick plateglass。 None of these differ
ent objects was seen separately by Denham; but from all
of them he drew an impression of stir and cheerfulness。
Thus it came about that he saw Katharine Hilbery ing
towards him; and looked straight at her; as if she were
only an illustration of the argument that was going forward
in his mind。 In this spirit he noticed the rather set
expression in her eyes; and the slight; halfconscious
movement of her lips; which; together with her height
and the distinction of her dress; made her look as if the
scurrying crowd impeded her; and her direction were different
from theirs。 He noticed this calmly; but suddenly;
as he passed her; his hands and knees began to tremble;
and his heart beat painfully。 She did not see him; and
went on repeating to herself some lines which had stuck
to her memory: “It’s life that matters; nothing but life—
the process of discovering —the everlasting and perpetual
process; not the discovery itself at all。” Thus occupied;
she did not see Denham; and he had not the courage to
stop her。 But immediately the whole scene in the Strand
wore that curious look of order and purpose which is imparted
to the most heterogeneous things when music
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sounds; and so pleasant was this impression that he was
very glad that he had not stopped her; after all。 It grew
slowly fainter; but lasted until he stood outside the
barrister’s chambers。
When his interview with the barrister was over; it was
too late to go back to the office。 His sight of Katharine
had put him queerly out of tune for a domestic evening。
Where should he go? To walk through the streets of London
until he came to Katharine’s house; to look up at the
windows and fancy her within; seemed to him possible
for a moment; and then he rejected the plan almost with
a blush as; with a curious division of consciousness; one
plucks a flower sentimentally and throws it away; with a
blush; when it is actually picked。 No; he would go and
see Mary Datchet。 By this time she would be back from
her work。
To see Ralph appear unexpectedly in her room threw
Mary for a second off her balance。 She had been cleaning
knives in her little scullery; and when she had let him in
she went back again; and turned on the coldwater tap
to its fullest volume; and then turned it off again。 “Now;”
she thought to herself; as she screwed it tight; “I’m not
going to let these silly ideas e into my head… 。 Don’t
you think Mr。 Asquith deserves to be hanged?” she called
back into the sittingroom; and when she joined him;
drying her hands; she began to tell him about the latest
evasion on the part of the Government with respect to
the Women’s Suffrage Bill。 Ralph did not want to talk
about politics; but he could not help respecting Mary for
taking such an interest in public questions。 He looked at
her as she leant forward; poking the fire; and expressing
herself very clearly in phrases which bore distantly the
taint of the platform; and he thought; “How absurd Mary
would think me if she knew that I almost made up my
mind to walk all the way to Chelsea in order to look at
Katharine’s windows。 She wouldn’t understand it; but I
like her very much as she is。”
For some time they discussed what the women had better
do; and as Ralph became genuinely interested in the
question; Mary unconsciously let her attention wander;
and a great desire came over her to talk to Ralph about
her own feelings; or; at any rate; about something per
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sonal; so that she might see what he felt for her; but she
resisted this wish。 But she could not prevent him from
feeling her lack of interest in what he was saying; and
gradually they both became silent。 One thought after
another came up in Ralph’s mind; but they were all;