‘I‘ll never understand why Tim had to die。‘
It really came down to that； Kelly thought。 It wasn‘t about great political or social issues。 Everyone had a life； which was supposed to have a natural end after an amount of time determined by God or Fate or something men weren‘t supposed to control。 He‘d seen young men die； and caused his share of deaths； each life something of value to its owner and others； and how did you explain to the others what it was all about？ For that matter； how did you explain it to yourself？ But that was from the outside。 From the inside it was something else。 Maybe that was the answer。
‘You do some pretty hard work； right？‘
‘Yes；‘ Sandy said； nodding a little。
‘Why not do something easier？ I mean； work a department where it‘s different； I don‘t know … the nursery； maybe？ That‘s a happy place； right？‘
‘Pretty much；‘ the nurse admitted。
‘It‘s still important； too； right？ Taking care of little babies； it‘s routine； yeah； but it still has to be done the right way； doesn‘t it？‘
‘Of course。‘
‘But you don‘t do that。 You work Neuro。 You do the hard stuff。‘
‘Somebody has to …‘ Bingo！ Kelly thought； cutting her off。
‘It‘s hard … hard to do the work； hard on you … it hurts you some； right？‘
‘Sometimes。‘
‘But you do it anyway；‘ Kelly pointed out。
‘Yes；‘ Sandy said； not as an admission； but something stronger。
‘That‘s why Tim did what he did。‘ He saw the understanding there； or perhaps the beginnings of it； just for a moment before her lingering grief pushed the argument aside。
‘It still doesn‘t make sense。‘
‘Maybe the thing doesn‘t make sense； but the people do；‘ Kelly suggested。 That was about as far as his mind stretched。 ‘Sorry； I‘m not a priest； just a broken…down Navy chief。‘
‘Not too broken down；‘ O‘Toole said； finishing her lunch。
‘And part of that is your doing； ma‘am。 Thank you。‘ That earned him another smile。
‘Not all our patients get better。 We‘re kind of proud of those who do。‘
‘Maybe we‘re all trying to save the world； Sandy； one little bit at a time；‘ Kelly said。 He rose and insisted on walking her back to the unit。 It took the whole five minutes to say what he wanted to say。
‘You know； I‘d like to have dinner with you； maybe？ Not now； but； well …‘
‘I‘ll think about it；‘ she allowed； half dismissing the idea； half wondering about it； knowing as Kelly did that it was too soon for both of them； though probably not as much for her。 What sort of man was this？ she asked herself。 What were the dangers of knowing him？
C13
CHAPTER 13
Agendas
It was his first…ever visit to the Pentagon。 Kelly felt ill at ease； wondering if he should have worn his khaki chiefs uniform； but his time for wearing that had passed。 Instead he wore a blue lightweight suit； with a miniature of the Navy Cross ribbon on the lapel。 Arriving in the bus and car tunnel； he walked up a ramp and searched for a map of the vast building； which he quickly scanned and memorized。 Five minutes later he entered the proper office。
‘Yes？‘ a petty officer asked。
‘John Kelly； I have an appointment with Admiral Maxwell。‘ He was invited to take a seat。 On the coffee table was a copy of Navy Times； which he hadn‘t read since leaving the service。 But Kelly was able to control his nostalgia。 The bitches and gripes he read about hadn‘t changed very much。
‘Mr Kelly？‘ a voice called。 He rose and walked through the open door。 After it closed； a red do…not…disturb light blinked on to warn people off。
‘How are you feeling； John？‘ Maxwell asked first of all。
‘Fine； sir； thank you。‘ Civilian now or not； Kelly could not help feeling uneasy in the presence of a flag officer。 That got worse at once when another door opened to admit two more men； one in civilian clothes； the other a rear admiral … another aviator； Kelly saw； with the medal of honor； which was even more intimidating。 Maxwell did the introductions。
‘I‘ve heard a lot about you；‘ Podulski said； shaking the younger man‘s hand。
‘Thank you； sir。‘ Kelly didn‘t know what else to say。
‘Cas and I go back a ways；‘ Maxwell observed； handling the introductions。 ‘I got fifteen‘ … he pointed to the aircraft panel hanging on the wall … ‘Cas got eighteen。‘
‘All on film； too；‘ Podulski assured him。
‘I didn‘t get any；‘ Greer said； ‘but I didn‘t let the oxygen rot my brain either。‘ In addition to wearing soft clothes； this admiral had the map case。 He took one out； the same panel he had back at his home； but more marked up。 Then came the photographs； and Kelly got another look at the face of Colonel Zacharias； this time enhanced somehow or other； and recognizably similar to the ID photo Greer put next to it。
‘I was within three miles of the place；‘ Kelly noted。 ‘Nobody ever told me about …‘
‘It wasn‘t there yet。 This place is new； less than two years old；‘ Greer explained。
‘Any more pictures； James？‘ Maxwell asked。
‘Just some SR…71 overheads； high…obliques； nothing new in them。 I have a guy checking every frame of this place； a good guy； ex…Air Force。 He reports to me only。‘
‘You‘re going to be a good spy；‘ Podulski noted with a chuckle。
‘They need me there；‘ Greer replied in a lighthearted voice bordered with serious meaning。 Kelly just looked at the other three。 The banter wasn‘t unlike that in a chief‘s mess； but the language was cleaner。 He looked。 over at Kelly again。 ‘Tell me about the valley。‘
‘A good place to stay away from。‘
‘First； tell me how you got little Dutch back。 Every step of the way；‘ Greer ordered。
Kelly needed fifteen minutes for that； from the time he left USS Skate to the moment the helicopter had lifted him and Lieutenant Maxwell from the river‘s estuary for the flight to Kitty Hawk。 It was an easy story to tell。 What surprised him were the looks the admirals passed back and forth。
Kelly wasn‘t equipped to understand the looks yet。 He didn‘t really think of the admirals as old or even as totally human。 They were admirals； godlike； ageless beings who made important decisions and looked as they should look； even the one out of uniform。 Nor did Kelly think of himself as young。 He‘d seen bat； after which every man is forever changed。 But their perspective was different。 To Maxwell； Podulski； and Greer； this young man was not terribly unlike what they had been thirty years earlier。 It was instantly clear that Kelly was a warrior； and in seeing him they saw themselves。 The furtive looks they traded were not unlike those of a grandfather watching his grandson take his first tentative step on the living…room rug。 But these were larger and more serious steps。
‘That was some job；‘ Greer said when Kelly finished。 ‘So this area is densely populated？‘
‘Yes and no； sir。 I mean； it‘s not a city or like that； but some farms and stuff。 I heard and saw traffic on this road。 Only a few trucks； but lots of bicycles； oxcarts； that sort of thing。‘
‘Not much military traffic？‘ Podulski asked。
‘Admiral； that stuff would be on this road here。‘ Kelly tapped the map。 He saw the notations for the NVA units。 ‘How are you planning to get in here？‘
‘There‘s nothing easy； John。 We‘ve looked at a helicopter insertion； maybe even trying an amphibious assault and racing up this road。‘
Kelly shook his head。 ‘Too far。 That road is too easy to defend。 Gentlemen； you have to understand； Vietnam is a real nation in arms； okay？ Practically everybody there has been in uniform； and giving people guns makes them feel like part of the team。 There are enough people with guns there to give you a real pain ing up this way。 You‘d never make it。‘
‘The people really support the munist government？‘ Podulski asked。 It was just too much for him to believe。 But not for Kelly；
‘Jesus； Admiral； why do you think we‘ve been fighting there so long？ Why do you think nobody helps pilots who get shot down？ They‘re not like us over there。 That‘s something we‘ve never understood。 Anyway； if you put Marines on the beach； nobody‘s going to wele them。 Forget racing up this road； sir。 I‘ve been there。 It ain‘t much of a road； not even as good as it looks on these pictures。 Drop a few trees and it‘s closed。‘ Kelly looked up。 ‘Has to be choppers。‘
He could see the news was not wele； and it wasn‘t hard to understand why。 This part of the country was dotted with antiaircraft batteries。 Getting a strike force in wasn‘t going to be easy。 At least two of these men were pilots； and if a ground assault had looked promising to them； then the triple…A problem must have been worse than Kelly appreciated。
‘We can suppress the flak；‘ Maxwell thought。
‘You‘re not talking about …52s again； are you？‘ Greer asked。
‘Newport News goes back on the gunline in a few weeks。 John； ever see her shoot？‘
Kelly nodded。 ‘Sure did。 She supported us twice when we were working close to the coast。 It‘s impressive what those eight…inchers can do。 Sir； the problem is； how many things do you need to go right for the mission to succeed？ The more plicated things get； the easier it is for things to go wrong； and even one thing can be real plicated。‘ Kelly leaned back on the couch； and reminded himself that what he had just said wasn‘t only for the admirals to consider。
‘Dutch； we